shallow water

At the time of my near drowning, Momma sat under a cluster of oak trees. She was spooning mashed carrots from a jar and feeding them to my baby brother while the afternoon breeze ruffled her loose blouse. I imagine her thoughts were not far from her dead brother or the husband she'd sent away. She had been watching me from her seat on a thin old quilt, and when she realized what was happening she started running with her baby on her hip toward the water.

"Yolanda!" Over the beating water and shrill laughter of my friends, I heard her call out my name.

"Yolanda, stand up baby!" she shouted. The muscles in my chest contracted uncontrollably and the water was suffocating me. Momma's suggestion seemed ridiculous. I could not put my mind around how standing up would do anything other than ensure that I died on my feet, but I placed my palms on the lake's soft floor, bent my legs under me, and stood until my head poked out of the water. I was shivering with terror in the hot moist air by the time Momma wrapped me with a dry towel. The children assumed I'd been playing all along.

At home that night Momma got undressed as I wondered aloud why no one had tried to help me.

"They didn't think you needed any help, baby," she said, struggling with a swollen finger. She had up to that point freed herself of everything but her wedding band. Removing it then, just before it clinked in a saucer on her dresser for the last time, she said almost to herself, "Who ever heard of someone drowning in shallow water?"
page 133 of On Our Way to Beautiful: A Family Memoir by Yolanda Young.

I read the book, On Our Way to Beautiful: A Family Memoir by Yolanda Young, several years ago and I have never forgotten this excerpt. I read this book during a time when I struggled to be happy at all after our baby died. I felt as if I was drowning in grief. The statement, "Who ever heard of someone drowning in shallow water?" was very poignant. I realized that I had a strong support system to help me get through such tragic loss - if I would just grab it or 'stand up'. I thought of so many others whose struggles and losses seemed to be never-ending.